How we found purpose in our family's loss {and the giving opportunity that will live on forever}

This month, my husband Scott and I will celebrate our seventh anniversary of “moving home.” Interestingly enough, this is the longest period of time we have lived in one place since we left home in 1997/1998.

In late 2012, we made the bold decision to leave Waco, Texas (the fifth city we had called home in nearly 15 years) and moved back to West Virginia to be closer to our family. Our boys were little (7 and 3) and had grown up only knowing grandparents from their visits to Florida and Texas and over a screen. Plus, my father-in-law Mike was battling cancer so we had high hopes of spending more time with him and making sure the kids had a great relationship with their granddad.

So we packed up and headed back east to the community that raised us – Parkersburg. (We happened to move home the month before the words “polar vortex” became a thing so not the best timing!) Our kids hated the snow, refused to be outside in the cold, and had no idea why they had to put on a coat every time we left the house (we struggle with this, by the way).  

We had no idea we’d only get three short months with Mike before he would succumb to cancer and leave this earth at just 66 years old and just a few short years into his retirement.

Not long after Mike died, my mother-in-law sold the home where they had raised their family (now much too large for just her) and in a very generous act of kindness, she gave us a portion of the proceeds.

It was never a question that we would give away the unexpected money, we just weren’t sure who we would give it to or when. When you’ve nearly spent your whole career in the fundraising world of one kind or another, you know a thing or two about who you trust to make an impact and ahem… who you don’t. We also wanted to ensure that we could make many gifts over many years, ensuring that our boys could continue that giving, even after we were gone.

 It was then that my days of higher education fundraising came back to mind and we began to seek out an opportunity to both give the money away and also keep it going forever. Sounds crazy, right? But it wasn’t because we knew of a tool called an endowment fund that would allow us to do that exact thing. And, we could do it all in memory of Mike.

We set up a meeting with the Parkersburg Area Community Foundation (PACF) here in Parkersburg, WV and after meeting with the CEO (Hi Judy!), we knew it was the right choice. We’d be able to give the full sum of the money to the PACF by creating a donor-advised fund in memory of Mike. Then each year, we’d give a small percentage away while the remaining funds continued to be invested and grow over time. It was the perfect opportunity to ensure we could be charitable now and yet have the funds available to continue that giving in perpetuity. We could also add to the endowment anytime we wanted, as well as invite our family to contribute, as well.

Creating a gift in this way also ensured that we could eventually involve our children, asking for their input each year and having them help us select gift recipients. Because we have the flexibility to give away a little or a lot, it’s a great opportunity to teach them about the spirit of philanthropy and also about the concept of investing.

In 2016, the Michael E. Shirey Memorial Fund was created.

Our first gift in Mike’s memory was a gift to the Parkersburg & Wood County Library to help create a memorable and fun entrance to the Children’s Reading Area. Mike was an avid reader and loved the library, spending much of his time there.  

This year, we used the fund to sponsor a home built by Habitat for Humanity of the Mid-Ohio Valley. I serve on the board for Habitat and see first-hand the work they do for families in our community who are in need of safe, affordable housing. Needless to say, when we saw this sign, we both felt a little choked up…

It is both incredibly satisfying and heartbreaking in the same breath to experience the joy of using this fund in Mike’s memory. While we would do anything to have him here with us, we are honored to help our community in a way that brings purpose and hope to others.

If you aren’t working for or directly tied to the charitable giving industry, you may have no idea how critical the community foundations are in our communities. Community foundations across the country help to bring donors and residents together. They work to support the efforts that will help the places we call home continue to flourish and grow. This week is National Community Foundation Week, a time when we can share and reflect on the stories of impact over the last year. Though you may not yet know your local community foundation, you’ve likely felt its impact.

The work being done by the PACF here in Parkersburg is critical to our community and our state. Their efforts to do more to improve our region’s quality of life and to brighten the outlook for our area’s future have the power to change the landscape of our community, our state, and maybe beyond. Their programs and initiatives continue to educate our local nonprofits and their efforts to bring WV college students back to the state after they graduate may eventually be the very thing that saves our state’s future. It’s encouraging to see so many people working hard in the name of generosity. PACF also manages over 160 scholarships, created by those who wanted to help future generations.

As we enter the giving season, many will be looking to give back to the communities that have supported them. They’ll also look to ensure that their heartfelt giving—however they choose to give—will have the most impact. That’s why so many of them will choose to give to a community foundation and I encourage you to consider a gift to the PACF as you make your charitable decisions this year.

Mike was an avid golfer and at his memorial service, I said these words — in life, we play the shots we’re given and in golf, the shot that matters most is the next one you take. I have a hard time imagining the pain Scott must have felt (and continues to feel ) from losing his father at such a young age. For me, losing a father-in-law was also very difficult. I mourned what we never got to experience – living close by and sharing our children with him, hearing his advice, and laughing at his witty sarcasm (I’m so glad Scott inherited that!)

But we press on, focusing on the next shot.

Working with the Parkersburg Area Community Foundation to honor and remember Mike has helped us turn his untimely death into an opportunity to bless others and given us purpose in our family’s loss. For that, we’ll be forever thankful.

Until next time,

Andrea Shirey

This post was written in support of Community Foundation Week, organized by the Council on Foundations. and in support of my local community foundation. All thoughts are my own.